I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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