I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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