I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dignity is for republicans.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
