You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize