Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
