she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
