I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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