It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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