she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
