Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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