She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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