i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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