I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
