i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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