So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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