Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
