He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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