They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
