Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
