fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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