he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
