And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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