you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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