in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
