soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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