did you get engaged???
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
