i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
