i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
