i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Pants are for mortals
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
