epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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