apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
