I accidentally burped into my bong.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
