the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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