She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize