He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
