i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
