im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
