highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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