matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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