I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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