i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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