its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize