Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
