apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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