If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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