you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
