he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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