I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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