Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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