The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize