i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
