A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
