I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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