i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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