my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
