and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
