I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
