You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
