I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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