Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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