im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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