Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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