shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
