I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
