why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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