The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
